Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
