I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Congratulations! We have a period
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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