i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
