He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
