New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
