I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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