Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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