just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
