***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
