If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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