ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
