how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
