I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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