love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
