You made me cry and you don't even care
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
