well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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