yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
