...so i touched it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
