Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
