It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
