I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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