i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
