When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
