very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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