She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am naked and annoyed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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