My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Enjoy the penises
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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