Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
