he thought i was a dude.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
