i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
