i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
