If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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