is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's blow job season.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
