I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
