watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize