this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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