i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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