; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
