i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The feeling are messing with the penis
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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