What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
