All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
