I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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