shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
