i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
