.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
