peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
