we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
