I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
