I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
