plz talk dirty to me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
