I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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