This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
