I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
