so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
