It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize