Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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