Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's