I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.