She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.