I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.