Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling

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  (914): so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling http://tfl.nu/v4vu
  Replies (38) Good night (4794) Bad night (938)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.

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  (860): Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day. http://tfl.nu/g1ig
  Replies (15) Good night (4681) Bad night (1110)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

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  (919): My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning. http://tfl.nu/jpte
  Replies (13) Good night (753) Bad night (3837)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.

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  (513): literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night. http://tfl.nu/en91
  Replies (4) Good night (1048) Bad night (3137)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."

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  (561): I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead." http://tfl.nu/np5o
  Replies (2) Good night (3253) Bad night (1293)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

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  (865): Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame. http://tfl.nu/9g9e
  Replies (6) Good night (2476) Bad night (1162)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.

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  (773): I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her. http://tfl.nu/gidh
  Replies (5) Good night (925) Bad night (1862)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.

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  (603): I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST. http://tfl.nu/xkvr
  Replies (22) Good night (2070) Bad night (592)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.

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  (360): Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats. http://tfl.nu/2ns1
  Replies (7) Good night (1625) Bad night (1002)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.

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  (616): EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA. http://tfl.nu/4vpy
  Replies (9) Good night (1794) Bad night (652)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.

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  (913): The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops. http://tfl.nu/e530
  Replies (13) Good night (1729) Bad night (822)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.

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  (830): A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work. http://tfl.nu/eqs6
  Replies (2) Good night (821) Bad night (429)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?

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  (913): Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick? http://tfl.nu/db75
  Replies (6) Good night (725) Bad night (390)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?

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  (586): Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge? http://tfl.nu/4sxt
  Replies (0) Good night (594) Bad night (245)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?

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  (443): Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test? http://tfl.nu/y1t4
  Replies (2) Good night (275) Bad night (535)

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