Texts From Last Night

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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.

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  (803): if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market. http://tfl.nu/j5i5
  Replies (15) Good night (712) Bad night (3557)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real

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  (215): these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real http://tfl.nu/vc07
  Replies (62) Good night (7982) Bad night (1352)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.

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  (317): The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope. http://tfl.nu/lawp
  Replies (25) Good night (5391) Bad night (1224)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles. 

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  (+44): Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles. http://tfl.nu/yunu
  Replies (3) Good night (3843) Bad night (823)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

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  (479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c
  Replies (4) Good night (2907) Bad night (1136)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.

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  (908): You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room. http://tfl.nu/48yw
  Replies (6) Good night (3812) Bad night (1118)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.

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  (513): I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY. http://tfl.nu/5vxl
  Replies (7) Good night (3021) Bad night (1095)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

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  (918): Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub http://tfl.nu/8dtz
  Replies (8) Good night (2090) Bad night (1123)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets

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  (267): Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets http://tfl.nu/behk
  Replies (7) Good night (1856) Bad night (707)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".

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  (318): Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea". http://tfl.nu/c66k
  Replies (5) Good night (2320) Bad night (765)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.

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  (404): I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity. http://tfl.nu/w9sj
  Replies (12) Good night (1953) Bad night (645)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.

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  (407): Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore. http://tfl.nu/4mr1
  Replies (23) Good night (2353) Bad night (974)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?

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  (570): You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award? http://tfl.nu/wwxx
  Replies (9) Good night (927) Bad night (635)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right

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  (325): Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right http://tfl.nu/uway
  Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (307)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.

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  (906): My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow. http://tfl.nu/cu71
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (321)

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