it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Canadian or clown?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.