you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
