It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.