Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

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  (413): How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets http://tfl.nu/sjge
  Replies (17) Good night (5120) Bad night (1781)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience

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  (801): I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience http://tfl.nu/nrax
  Replies (8) Good night (2676) Bad night (999)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.

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  (937): And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/r7zp
  Replies (12) Good night (1283) Bad night (3178)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

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  (318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7
  Replies (6) Good night (3664) Bad night (1017)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.

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  (541): I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick. http://tfl.nu/18bv
  Replies (11) Good night (1945) Bad night (766)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

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  (586): on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish" http://tfl.nu/8ky3
  Replies (10) Good night (3104) Bad night (1339)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.

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  (518): Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend. http://tfl.nu/xnkx
  Replies (8) Good night (897) Bad night (1315)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  What should I wear?

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar

  (206): View more from Washington

  I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."

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  (206): What should I wear? (808): Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar (206): I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys." http://tfl.nu/2bo9
  Replies (5) Good night (3483) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.

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  (510): I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English. http://tfl.nu/sei7
  Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (587)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever

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  (785): You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever http://tfl.nu/34h5
  Replies (2) Good night (1397) Bad night (580)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.

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  (304): Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid. http://tfl.nu/agyj
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge

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  (610): we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge http://tfl.nu/izh2
  Replies (1) Good night (988) Bad night (449)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman

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  (630): I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman http://tfl.nu/cwps
  Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (509)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.

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  (720): The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty. http://tfl.nu/8y5m
  Replies (5) Good night (434) Bad night (226)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*

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  (410): It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal* http://tfl.nu/7l69
  Replies (0) Good night (254) Bad night (123)

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