Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?