Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.