Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
