So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
