My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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