Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
