Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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