i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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