I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
