She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
