at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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