It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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