I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
