Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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