I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
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It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore