could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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