I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
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I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.