My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.