Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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