Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
