Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
