do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
